Secrets (Spencer)

[SSA Mia Dearden]

Mia had been over at Spencer’s apartment and helping with DJ. They had given DJ a bath and then put her to bed. Aimee had even gone to bed, surprisingly enough. The teenager had gone to bed, during the summer, without protest. It was odd, but Mia didn’t think that Aimee was up to anything.

So, the blonde sat on the couch with Spencer. The only noise was the soft sound of them turning pages of their respective books. Mia hadn’t been really reading though. She had been thinking through ways to bring up a sensitive subject. It was something that she had been considering telling him for a while. It was a difficult subject for her to talk through still. But, it was something she had to do.

She bit her lip and took a deep breath in before closing her book. She shut her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath to settle herself. Focusing on making sure the words got out of her mouth, she turned to look at Spencer. ”Do you remember when you asked me how I ended up working for the FBI? Well, I’m ready to tell you, if you want to hear it.”

words; Pshh I didn't count
muse; Secrets by One Republic
outfit; I'll update this later
credits;zielovesglee @ CAUTION
lyrics by OneRepublic!!

[SSA Dr. Spencer Reid]

shot through the heart & you're to blame
DARLING YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Spencer was enjoying all the time he spent with his girlfriend. It was SO strange to say those words...of course, he had had Signe before, but still, even back then, the words sounded so foreign. He never believed it would happen for him-especially not TWICE. At least Mia was fairly mentally stable, and liked Aimee. Which was a relief. He knew he was a guy with baggage, but Mia didn't seem to worried.

Mia had come over for dinner, and then helped him get DJ a bath and put to bed. His daughter loved Mia as much as he did, and he was glad, because he knew that DJ needed a positive female influence that wasn't Aimee. Aimee was a good aunt, but a bad parent, and as well she should be, because she was NOT Dj's mother. Aimee had made dinner-pork chops with applesauce, some green stuff she said was kale but looked like spinach, and potatoes. She had even made a pie-he didn't know she knew how to bake things, but she did. It was berry pie, and it was GOOD. Not as good as Mia's, he figured, but good for a Reid.

Not long after DJ went to bed did Aimee say she was tired and go to bed, as well. He figured she WAS tired-she took care of DJ a lot-more than usual lately, and he thought she was a bit depressed since Lorene had moved and so had her friend. Plus, Aimee was adjusting to the fact that Paige had a child now and could not always spend the time that Aimee had spent with her in the past. So while he worried about Aimee, he did not worry that she was up to no good.

Now, he was sitting on the couch next to Mia, sitting close, and reading. Every so often, one or the other would sigh or giggle or something, and there was only the sound of the page turning, and DJ's soft snores from the monitor.

Then, Mia took a deep breath, the kind that women did when they "wanted to talk." He set his book aside after marking his spot, and turned to face her. He was prepared to hear whatever it was she had to say, even if it was bad.

Do you remember when you asked me how I ended up working for the FBI? Well, I’m ready to tell you, if you want to hear it. Of course he remembered. He remembered EVERYTHING. But he didn't say so. Instead, he nodded.

Yes, I do. I am ready, if YOU are comfortable telling me. I do NOT want to push you into it. Still, he WAS curious. He knew he could probably just ask Garcia, but that didn't seem right, so he hadn't asked. But he also sensed that it was a hard thing for Mia to discuss, for some reason, so he was determined to let her do it on her own time.

Whatever you tell me won't be so bad, I promise. I am listening.He smiled gently, encouraging her to go on.

WORD COUNT 1020
NOTES Derp
TAGGED Mia
STATUS Finished
CREDITS You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
by Doe-Eyed Harlot of Caution.

[SSA Mia Dearden]

Yes, I do. I am ready, if YOU are comfortable telling me. I do NOT want to push you into it. Mia knew that Spencer didn’t forget very many things. So, recalling when he asked her about how she got involved with the FBI was simple for him, probably. Of course, having an eidetic memory only applied to things he had read, so it was possible for him to have forgotten. Possible, but the likelihood that he had was slim.

Now, Mia had to figure out where to start when telling her boyfriend about her past. It wasn’t something she was comfortable telling very many people. For one, it brought up terrible memories that would seemed to be resilient to fading into the back of her mind. Not to mention, when she told people, they tended to give her a pitiful look. She could do without other people’s pity. Sure, her past still haunted her. But, it had also made her the woman she was now. She just wanted others to understand why she was the way she was.

Whatever you tell me won't be so bad, I promise. I am listening The fact that Spencer was so patient was comforting. But Mia couldn’t help but shake her head a little bit. ”Well, what I’m going to tell ya isn’t at all good. In fact, it is pretty awful. “

Mia thought for a moment on how to start her explanation, story, whatever it was she was doing. She looked at Spencer and sighed, ”I could just say that the FBI saved my life, but that doesn’t even begin to cover it. In 1999, the FBI was part of an investigation into a pedophile ring in Georgia. When searching the house of one of the members of the ring, an agent bumped into a wall and noticed that it sounded hollow. They broke down the wall to see what was inside, and they found me. I was malnourished, starting to become dehydrated, and terrified.”

Mia had to stop and take a deep breath to keep herself calm. She remembered the loud banging on the wall and it crumbling down. The amount of light that had poured into the room had made her head hurt. The agents trying to coax her out of the small room scared her, because she didn’t understand what they were saying. ”I’d never seen more than a tiny silver of daylight before. It was so bright, it hurt. The agents tried to talk to me, but I didn’t understand them. People rarely spoke around me, so it was just a bunch of sounds that didn’t mean anything to me. They were the first men that didn’t want anything from me. Before that, it had been just man after man, dark room after dark room, and the pain just never seemed to stop. It was Hell.”

She had wrapped her arms around herself as she had been talking. She shivered as she recalled those horrifying places and people. Her blue eyes were focused on the ground, even though her mind was recalling other images. Mia lifted her head and looked at Spencer. Her voice wavered a bit as she spoke.

”I was abused, in every way possible, and then some for years. I was forced to do terrible things, just to survive. Before the FBI found me, I didn’t have an identity except for the tattoo on my arm, which has always been there. There was no record of my existence until the FBI found me.” Mia ran a finger over her left shoulder and carefully pulled her sleeve up a bit to show Spencer the tattoo on her upper arm. It read 163AAy91-EMC-C and was in black ink.

She looked at Spencer after having looked at the series of letter and numbers on her arm. ”That’s been there ever since I can remember. It helps remind me where I came from and why I joined the Bureau. I joined the FBI as an intern as soon as I could, because I know that there are children out there who are still going through terrible things, just like I was. And, I do my job to help protect them, show them that they aren’t alone, and that it gets better.”

[SSA Dr. Spencer Reid]

Spencer remained quiet while Mia spoke to him. He recognized that she was having a difficult time recalling things because of her body language. However, he also was smart enough to realize that he shouldn't say anything, but just sit and listen.

could just say that the FBI saved my life, but that doesn’t even begin to cover it. In 1999, the FBI was part of an investigation into a pedophile ring in Georgia. When searching the house of one of the members of the ring, an agent bumped into a wall and noticed that it sounded hollow. They broke down the wall to see what was inside, and they found me. I was malnourished, starting to become dehydrated, and terrified. He raised an eyebrow...he had read about the case once, but hadn't really made the connection between Mia and the girl in the case. He moved closer to her, to remind her that she was safe now.

I’d never seen more than a tiny silver of daylight before. It was so bright, it hurt. The agents tried to talk to me, but I didn’t understand them. People rarely spoke around me, so it was just a bunch of sounds that didn’t mean anything to me. They were the first men that didn’t want anything from me. Before that, it had been just man after man, dark room after dark room, and the pain just never seemed to stop. It was Hell. Yes. It sounded like it. He put his arms around her, too, hoping that he didn't frighten her. He took the blanket from the back of the couch, and also wrapped it around her.

I was abused, in every way possible, and then some for years. I was forced to do terrible things, just to survive. Before the FBI found me, I didn’t have an identity except for the tattoo on my arm, which has always been there. There was no record of my existence until the FBI found me. He looked at the tattoo, a little sigh escaping his lips. He still didn't speak-he sensed she wasn't finished.

That’s been there ever since I can remember. It helps remind me where I came from and why I joined the Bureau. I joined the FBI as an intern as soon as I could, because I know that there are children out there who are still going through terrible things, just like I was. And, I do my job to help protect them, show them that they aren’t alone, and that it gets better. Mia stopped speaking, and was staring at the carpet. He lifted her face gently to his, and spoke, his tone very ight and gentle.

Mia, sweetheart. These horrible things that happened to you...they make you who you are. And I am sorry that bad things happenend to you when you were young. That is a life NO person should have to live. But in my professional, albeit biased, opinon, you have come out of it a very strong woman, and a good role model for any young woman. I know that it will probably come up again several times throughout your life, but I can help you to deal with it. You just need to tell me how. Tell me how to help you to feel comfortable with me, always. He smiled, and fingered her arm where her tattoo is. He sighed.

If you want, we can have it removed, but it's a part of your identity. Do you remember who the agents were who rescued you?! You should look them up... He was trying to think of good things to say rather than get angry at a faceless person.

[SSA Mia Dearden]

Mia felt Spencer wrap his arms around her and pull the blanket around her shoulders. She didn’t mind and found it very comforting. She felt nervous about telling Spencer everything, but it seemed to be going well. After she finished speaking, she couldn’t help but look at the ground. Then, Spencer gently lifted her head so she was looking at him.

Mia, sweetheart. These horrible things that happened to you...they make you who you are. And I am sorry that bad things happenend to you when you were young. That is a life NO person should have to live. But in my professional, albeit biased, opinon, you have come out of it a very strong woman, and a good role model for any young woman. I know that it will probably come up again several times throughout your life, but I can help you to deal with it. You just need to tell me how. Tell me how to help you to feel comfortable with me, always.

She couldn’t help but smile at Spencer. She felt like a weight had just been lifted from off her shoulders. There was the feeling of Spencer’s finger ghosting over her tattoo. If you want, we can have it removed, but it's a part of your identity. Do you remember who the agents were who rescued you?! You should look them up...

Mia shook her head. ”No, I want to keep it. It’s the one thing that’s always been there. Well, I know that Rossi was one of the profilers on the case. Thank you, for not pitying me. That tends to be people’s initial reaction. I just want people to understand why I act a bit, oddly. Just, please don’t sneak up on me or leave me in dark places for extended periods of time.”

[SSA Dr. Spencer Reid]

Spencer spoke in a whisper.

I am going to pull you over here, ok? He wanted her to know so that she wouldn't be frightened. He pulled her to him gently, but held her tightly. He pressed his lips to her forehead as she went on.

No, I want to keep it. It’s the one thing that’s always been there. Well, I know that Rossi was one of the profilers on the case. Thank you, for not pitying me. That tends to be people’s initial reaction. I just want people to understand why I act a bit, oddly. Just, please don’t sneak up on me or leave me in dark places for extended periods of time. He nodded.

Ok. I can definitely NOT do those things. I will speak to Aimee, if you like, and remind her not to do that, too...I don't have to tell her why. She probaby won't ask...she is smart enough to know that she doesn't need to know everything I ask her to do. He pursed his lips again.

So. Since we're sharing secrets, anything you'd like to know about me?

[SSA Mia Dearden]

I am going to pull you over here, ok? Mia nodded as Spencer pulled her close. She didn’t mind as he held her close to him and pressed his lips to her forehead. He let her continue talking. Although, she eventually ran out of things to say. Just recalling her past and telling someone about it seemed to just drain her.

Ok. I can definitely NOT do those things. I will speak to Aimee, if you like, and remind her not to do that, too...I don't have to tell her why. She probably won't ask...she is smart enough to know that she doesn't need to know everything I ask her to do

She smiled up at Spencer as he pursed his lips. So. Since we're sharing secrets, anything you'd like to know about me?

”Aimee is a good kid. She can be nosy, but, she seems to know when she doesn’t need to know something.” Mia shook her head and yawned. ”Not really. I’m sure if you want to tell me something.. You will.” Her eyelids started to fall as she grew more and more tired. So, she let herself just lean against Spencer as she fell asleep.

[SSA Dr. Spencer Reid]

Spencer felt Mia grow heavy in his arms. It was wearing her out, telling him. For this, he felt badly. He pulled her closer, and then she spoke in a light tone.

Aimee is a good kid. She can be nosy, but, she seems to know when she doesn’t need to know something. Not really. I’m sure if you want to tell me something.. You will.He nodded. He WOULD.

I know...I will. He realized she'd fallen asleep, so he kissed her again, and held her for a bit before removing the blanket, and carrying her to his bedroom. He placed her gently on the bed, and then slipped in next to her. He fell asleep with a smile.